How to Cope with the News
Turning over my column today to a smart & wise Marriage & Family Counselor
Dear Family and Friends,
The last two weeks have been filled with fear, uncertainty, doubt and anger due to both natural disasters (horrific fires in L.A.) and the dramatic change in our government.
Never before has a President pushed the boundaries of his authority so far. To quote Peter Baker: " he has mounted a fundamental challenge to expectations of what a president can and should do, demonstrating a belief that the rules his predecessors largely followed are meant to be bent, bypassed or broken." (NYTimes).
I am writing to you because so many friends, family members, clients and colleagues have asked me how I am coping with all of this and what they can do to feel better. While in the past, I have given the first 2 suggestions (below), I recognize that those ideas are helpful but not sufficient. Here are some of my reflections on how to stay sane.
1. Stay informed, but limit the amount of time and the type of information you get regarding the news. Limit time spent with social media and friends who have a negative impact on your mood and outlook even if they are agreeing with you. While it is good to vent and to support friends who are venting, know your limits and set boundaries.
2. Find joy and delight in life. Participate in the arts and entertainment both as a spectator and creator. Travel, explore and observe the world around you both near and far. Be active in sports and fitness and enjoy watching sports whether you are cheering for a professional team, your kids' team or individual athletes. Celebrate special milestones, occasions and holidays. If you enjoy cooking, baking, sewing, knitting, playing a musical instrument, dancing, make time for your interests and take pride in your talents.
3. Figure out how to move from helplessness to hopefulness.
A. Set priorities. This past week I was overwhelmed with anger and fear as each new executive order was signed, as prisoners were pardoned and released, as completely incompetent and repugnant people were given cabinet positions, billionaires were given unfettered power, and competent career government workers were fired or transferred. At first I reacted to each new decision with equal disgust and pain, but by the end of the week, I realized that the fact that Kushner's Dad was pardoned and released from jail and then rewarded with an ambassadorship to France, was insignificant compared to other pardons of violent criminals from Jan.6.
B. Decide which group of people you care most about. This may be immigrants, refugees, LGBTQ+ people, people living in poverty, elderly people, people with disabilities, people whose lives have been threatened because of race, religion or political beliefs.
C. Decide what actions you can take to have a positive impact. In talking with friends and clients who are my age, many agree we no longer want to attend rallies, marches, protests. We want to pass the torch. However, we can volunteer to gather goods and services for people in need. We can help connect people with resources and information. By the second day of the fires, LA County Psychological Assn created a list of psychologists, LMFT's and LCSW's who were specially trained in disaster response who were offering their services at no fee. While I don't have that training, I was able to get the list out to people in need of psychological help.
D. Finally, volunteer or donate money to organizations that are combatting these horrific assaults on our freedoms.
Each of. you will have your own priorities. I have decided to let go of my outrage over the kleptocracy. I feel powerless in that realm. I cannot do much about the release of all of the violent criminals from January 6. What I can do is contribute money to Planned Parenthood or other women's health clinics because they will now need more security now that the convicted violent stalkers at these clinics have been pardoned and released from prison. I will also increase my support for ACLU and Human Rights Campaign to help them fight against challenges to protections for LGBQT+ communities. I will support organizations such as National Immigrant Law Center that provide free or low fee legal assistance to immigrants. Finally, I will increase support to HIAS, the world's oldest refugee agency initially founded 120 years ago to help Jews get settled in the USA. It now helps refugees world wide with humanitarian services including housing, food, education and jobs.
Action is the antidote to hopelessness, helplessness, anxiety and depression. I hope you will find some inspiration in the suggestions above. I welcome your feedback and suggestions for additional ideas.
With hope for a better future,
Margaret
Margaret Altschul
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist